Update: The Found Mama

Happy Sunday morning!

Not so many years ago, Sundays were my family's hardest days of the week. As much as I loved going to church, I could bet the farm on my little toddler son having an existential crisis every Sunday morning with the cherry on top being my husband and I squabbling or fighting about something. I would even jokingly say to other people at church when we showed up late, again, and me sometimes feeling particularly defeated, "The devil couldn't have been at your house this morning because he was at mine."

It's not a joking matter, especially when it felt true, but I was raised by people who joke about everything. Laughing lightened the load.

Sunday mornings were just tough.

I'm glad that is no longer the case ... usually.

Nowadays, Sundays are usually my favorite day of the week. That's not to say that we don't still struggle to make it to church on time for one reason or another, or that there's not the occasional meltdown or misunderstanding. I would never dare make that claim. But over time, we've found a better rhythm. We've learned and leaned into the power of managing expectations, and that has made all the difference. That, and Echo Dots in the kitchen and bathroom where I can listen to music that prepares my heart for the day. That is key for this mama.

However, this particular Sunday morning is a different kind of struggle.

I'm home from church with a sick kid. The boy has a cough and woke up running a little warm. My husband went to church but the baby never makes it through a service anyway - she is at that age and stage where nap time falls during church hours and she is ready for her "milkies." It just made the most sense to keep her here with me.

So, she's sleeping in my arms and he's resting on the couch, and I'm left to piddle on my phone. I've got some big things happening, and I think I hit a breakthrough last night, and wanted to share.

First, I must tell you the backstory.

Did you know that in the book of Ruth, at the very end, Ruth gives her baby away to Naomi? I didn't.

A few weeks ago, I opened my Bible up to my bookmark. I had been reading through Psalms, but this particular morning, I felt a tug to read something else.

Okay, God. Show me what to read, I thought.

I held the turquoise spine of my journaling Bible in one hand, and fanned my thumb across the pages with the other, searching and waiting for inspiration.

That "still small voice," as they call it, spoke. It almost felt like a singular word appeared in my minds eye.

Ruth.

Ruth? Really? I've read that so many times. Ruth? I don't think Ruth has anything to do with what's going on in my life right now...

I remember reading Ruth even as a child. When I found myself bored by the sermon in church, I would open the pew Bible and read the stories of Ruth and Esther. I knew the story of Ruth. And I knew what I had been praying for - that God would show me what to do with this devotional I had written and was ready to publish. I was so certain that the answer to this prayer would not be found in Ruth.

In hindsight, perhaps my certainty should have been my first clue that the answer to my prayer was absolutely going to be found in Ruth, but you know what they say about hindsight. And hindsight was nowhere in sight at that moment.

So, I read Ruth.

And at the end of the book, I read a verse I'd never noticed it before. Go figure, right?

Ruth 4:16-17 NLT‬ says, "Naomi took the baby and cuddled him to her breast. And she cared for him as if he were her own. The neighbor women said, 'Now at last Naomi has a son again!'”

It's not really the focus of the story, but as a breastfeeding mama myself right now, it just jumped out at me.  I couldn't understand how Naomi could give away her baby!  Looking at my own baby, it just baffled and bugged me. Seriously, how could Ruth do such a thing?!

So, I went back and reread a bit, trying to make sense of what she'd done, and I read about how the town elders spoke a blessing over Ruth that she would have many children.

Then it hit me. 

I understood!

Ruth was able to give away her baby because she was so confident in the blessings that were in store for her.  She had faith that there would be more. She had faith that there would be more babies.

Then another thing hit me.

God was telling me to give away my metaphorical baby - the devotional book I've been working on for years! Literally 2+ years.

I've been praying for direction, and now I knew why God was closing doors!  You wouldn't believe how many doors... It was at the point where it no longer felt like I was simply looking at a closed door, because it felt like I was looking at a bright red billboard with block letters reading, "NO!"

God was clear when he shut the doors and had me waiting in the hallway, and He was clear now.

I am supposed to give the book baby away.

I wrestled with this for a while, honestly, because I've put SO MUCH time and effort and heart into writing The Found Mama that I had some issues with just giving it away.

I was looking forward to selling it, seeing my name in print, staking a claim in the literary world as a Christian author with a book for sale. I was looking forward to earning income. I was looking forward to feeling more legitimate. I was looking forward to the release and talking about books 1 and 2 and 3! In my heart, I was so ready. More than that, the book was ready. It had been written, gone through countless drafts by myself and and an editor and other readers. It had been tweaked and perfected as much as humanly possible. It was ready and so was I, but God said to wait.

Then, in reading Ruth, where I least expected it, God was clear when He spoke to my heart.

I need to have so much faith that God will bless me and my efforts and my other books, that I'm able to freely give The Found Mama away.

I know there is a reason. I know there's a blessing. I know that even when it doesn't make sense to my human brain and my stubborn heart, God is sovereign. The best thing I can do in this situation is be obedient.

And so, I've been turning over every rock and trying to find the best way to give away a book without incurring substanial costs. That's been hard, but I've found a few different ways. In fact, I've spent all weekend working on this and setting up different vessels, only to arrive at one aspect or another that just wasn't quite right. My favorite method came with a hidden cost of over $300, so that shut that door.

Then, last night, a breakthrough. I think I found a way!

I still have some testing to do on different devices to ensure it will work, and there would be set up and backwork involved ... but this is what I know:

You will soon be able to read The Found Mama for free.

And I'm excited! I really am.

Even though it took me a little while to accept this path, as it wasn't my plan and wasn't my preference, I know God will bless it and bless my obedience.

I am excited to see how He uses this.

I'm excited to be doing something that isn't the norm. Truly. What devotional have you ever read that was free of cost? I say this humbly, but I am not giving it away because it is not of value. I am giving it away because God has told me to give it freely and trust Him with the outcome.

What is the reason for this?

I truly don't know.

Maybe it's because economically, times are hard and perhaps there are women who need this book who do not have the room in their budgets to buy it.

Maybe it's to establish credibility & get my work out there before releasing the next books in the series.

Maybe it's because my heart was too attached to the financial outcome. Maybe I was putting too much of my value and worth on what it would mean to have a book for sale, and maybe I had to let that go.

Maybe it's something else entirely!

I don't know.

All I know is that I'll trust God with the outcome. And I truly am excited.

I'm looking very much forward to sharing The Found Mama with you very soon. So, stay tuned in the coming days for announcements and hopefully some releases and ways you can help make this successful.

With love,

Kristina